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Prior to coming to JRC I was much worse than I am now. I was in a phase where I was curious about everything, so I did things without taking into consideration that I would probably end up liking it. I experimented with everything including heavy drugs such as marijuana, crack, and cocaine. On occasion I would drink or sometimes even binge on alcohol when I was angry. My problems would all seem to go away when I was drunk or high. I felt so calm that I would forget about everything. I did do it more than once, but luckily I never got addicted to any of it. For some reason, something would never allow me to over-do how far I could go. My past school failures consisted of causing scenes or arguing with anyone that got in my way. On one occasion I went to school so high that my mother was called to come and pick me up. I would go to only sign myself in and then leave after being in school for less than five hours. I would never call or inform my parents of where I was. I would sneak out or lie about where I was going and wouldn’t return sometimes until the next morning. I worried my mother and father to the point where they would have detectives looking for me with pictures in their hands. Countless fights and arguments with my parents caused me to feel like the easy way out was best, so I’d run away from whatever I felt was too overwhelming. I never thought about how I inconvenienced everyone, including cousins, aunts and uncles, when they would have to help my father wander through the streets looking for me. I never thought about all the days of work and rest that my parents missed because of my carelessness. I put myself in predicaments where I could’ve been raped or killed. I was so angry and sad with my life that I did not care if I lived or died. As a result of a lot of family problems and not knowing how to deal with my emotions, I became really depressed and started to cut myself. I think that it was a big cry for help. I have attended four different public high schools and have gotten expelled from all of them for fighting, challenging authority figures such as school safety security guards, and repeatedly cutting class or roaming the halls. My temper was an unbearable thing to deal with for others and was a result of not getting what I wanted immediately after it was requested. Now I can control myself a little better, depending on the situation and how long I’ve been dealing with it without assistance. Being away from all of the distractions has helped to the extent of me not wanting to make those same mistakes again, but has not changed my perspectives on many things. In JRC, I have received support from many people, especially my treatment team and certain staff in the educational department. In the past, if I could not deal with a certain problem, I would runaway from it. Last year, I tried to do that by going AWOL on a home visit. Had I not been returned to JRC, I honestly don’t know what would’ve happen to me. At the time it felt like the right thing to do, but after it was all over, I went through a lot. I had to regain all the progress that I had already made and I did just that. I made it back to a higher, non-restrictive residence and have recently received level-one independence. The program has helped me to deal with situations and people that I do not favor. There are times when I feel provoked, but I do not react as I normally would’ve. I feel that whatever progress that I have made was because I chose to do it. Despite the fact that I have had support, it was all me. I got through things that I never thought I would have the strength to. In the future, I see myself going to college or taking vocational/business schooling. At the time I unsure of what I would like to major in, but I do know that I would be happy doing anything that helps society. I would like to reside close to my family in the Bronx. There was a time when I constantly needed them, eventually they will need me. When I receive my high school diploma, I want to have accomplished the utmost improvement in my behavior. All my life my decisions disappointed my family, especially my mother. It would mean everything to me if I could see all of them proud of me. JRC helped me realize that the world is nothing but a battle filled with cruel people and that it can’t be escaped, but I would rather be in it doing the right thing than be here right now. - Chrissy |